I have the most loving grandparents, they have always cared & loved for me unconditionally.
Since the age of 1, I would travel by plane to spend holiday times with them in Nanjing.
They took care of me in every single aspect, whether it was cooking different delicious meals daily, taking me to play in the parks, answering my never ending questions patiently…
grandparents in Venice, 2019
And as I grew up into an adult, our relationship slowly changed. They are still the loving grandparents I’ve always remembered, but they have grown slower, more careful, and feeling increasingly like an outsider in this fast developing society. They have to learn how to use WeChat to pay, how to call DiDi, how to register their QR code for almost anything. Yet they are so proud, proud enough to not ask for help and pretend like they could get around in this digitalised society like a piece of cake; I am slowly becoming their teacher, our roles exchanged, I can feel them becoming more dependent on me, just like how dependent I was on them as a little girl.
They have grown quieter as well, and I could sense their fear growing exponentially during covid. They are incredibly strong and independent elders, my grandfather is 84 years old, and my grandmother is 79. They have lived through one of the toughest time in Chinese history, raised two wonderful children (my mother & uncle), and poured all their love to me and my cousin. They still live by themselves in Nanjing, go to markets daily on bicycle, and cook all the meals by themselves. I even took them on a trip to Europe in 2019, they had immense energy and curiosity, walked long hours everyday, and still wondered at new scenes like children.
grandpa napping in Venice, 2019
But this world is changing too fast and no one is teaching them how to adapt to it. As I came back to China after the height of covid to spend time with them, I sensed their fear. They were scared to go outdoor, scared to stay at home alone, scared for me to go anywhere. Fake news spiraled on WeChat, spreading faster than virus, they constantly send me notifications and tell me to be careful, and it hurts me to see them living this way.
Sometimes I see other elders struggling on the street and want to help, but there’s always a concern on the back of my mind: “stay out of it, it’s none of your business, it could be a scam.” Our society is poisoned, by something far scarier than virus, the pandemic just heightened what has always been there but overlooked.
It’s the little things that matter.
That’s what my grandparents have taught me. They wake up around 7am everyday, and ride their bicycle to the market, which is around 10 minutes away, It is important to know that my grandpa is already 84 years old, while my grandma is 79 years old. They would buy fresh vegetables, fruits, daily proteins, and they are very picky, they always buy food that are suitable for the season, never things that are grown from the plastic greenhouse. And they love vegetables that still have roots and mud on them. And they would spend the entire morning preparing the meal, which includes cleaning the vegetables, picking away roots or leaves that could not be eaten, scale the fish or clean any other meat of the day, wash the fruits and put them into separate containers in the fridge.
grandparents at home in Nanjing, 2023
After all these work, they would take a little rest. My grandpa would usually read the newspaper, and my grandma would water the plants, they have plants everywhere in their house, on the balcony, in the living room, in the kitchen, event in the bathroom.
Then it’s lunch time, and lunchtime is always followed by a one hour nap.
And afternoon is usually free time again, my grandma has recently pick up drawing, sometimes she plays Chinese piano too, which is called Guzheng 古筝, and my grandpa would scroll through WeChat, sending absurd news to us in the family group chat. Which would occasionally include things such as “the white house is building a marble statue dedicated to Mao” etc. Then they would usually have a light dinner before 7, because 7 o’clock is weather forecast time, and that is something that cannot be missed; then they would watch the latest TV show they love. And around 9:30pm, they would proceed to the bedroom, and fall asleep around 11:00pm. The days repeat.
grandma playing Guzheng 古筝 in Nanjing, 2023
It’s the little things that matter, that’s what my grandparents have taught me. the occasional arguments over which food to have for lunch, feeling joy over the flower that quietly blossomed last night, and getting excited for the latest fruit of the season.
Excerpt used for:
https://boilerroom.tv/recording/eastern-margins-respect-our-elders